Reading 30 memoirs by women to inspire my 30s [11–20]
My original goal in 2020, taken from my 2019 goal, was just to read a book a month. No theme. No rush. But somewhere between reading Michelle Obama in early 2020, and then the uprising of Black Lives Matter, had me wanting to read the life experiences of those with different backgrounds than mine. It was also my 30th birthday this year, so all of this combined to form this goal: to read 30 memoirs by a diverse group of influential women, to inspire my 30s. I want to explore the themes of womanhood, motherhood, careers, partnerships, trauma, mental health, and more. And I might as well share it here for all the other almost/early 30-something’s in my life. ICYMI: In December I shared reviews of memoirs 1–10. Now here are reviews of memoirs 11–20 featuring an overview, a rating of 5, and an excerpt. But first, here’s how I define my star ratings:
⭐⭐⭐⭐-⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐=inspirational, relatable, great storytelling, perfection
⭐⭐⭐=good stories but just not life changing
⭐-⭐⭐=boring and not relatable
Susanna Kaysen — Girl, Interrupted
Overview: As someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, it was fascinating to get a glimpse inside a female mental institution — albeit in the 1960’s. The author was 17 when she spent 18 months in the institute following suicidal behaviour. Though this book covers heavy topics, I found it an easy [for lack of a better word] read. Perhaps simply because of the short chapters.
Recommended for: Those interested in mental health and psychology topics.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐/5
Excerpt: “For many of us, the hospital was as much a refuge as it was a prison. Though we were cut off from the world and all the trouble we enjoyed stirring up out there, we were also cut off from the demands and expectations that had driven us crazy. What could be expected of us now that we were stowed away in a loony bin?”
Mindy Kaling — Why Not Me?
Overview: This reminded me a lot of Shonda Rhimes Year of Yes (reviewed in my first 10 memoirs list) it’s a bit of behind-the-scenes of Hollywood and some favourite shows (The Office) and also shows us the vulnerable side of these equally talented and hilarious women. This is another memoir that reminds me even the most ~*famous celebs*~ are just human beings going through the same shit we all are.
Recommended for: Mindy/TV fans!
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐/5
Excerpt: “People’s reaction to me is sometimes “Uch, I just don’t like her. I hate how she thinks she is so great.” But it’s not that I think I’m so great. I just don’t hate myself. I do idiotic things all the time and I say crazy stuff I regret, but I don’t let everything traumatize me. And the scary thing I have noticed is that some people really feel uncomfortable around women who don’t hate themselves. So that’s why you need to be a little bit brave.”
Alicia Keys — More Myself
Overview: Learn the story of Alicia discovering music, breaking into the music industry, and in the later chapters, finding herself, her spirituality, and who she is as a partner and mother. Note* I listened to the audiobook — highly recommend, her voice is so soothing.
Recommended for: Anyone! But especially fans of Alicia and fans of good music.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐.5/5
Excerpt: “The path to self-discovery is not a straight line. It’s a zigzag. We move in and out of awareness: one step forward, three steps to the left, a baby step back, another leap forward. A lightbulb moment might shine brightly one day, but then flicker the next. It takes work to hold tightly to a certain consciousness, to live in its wisdom. Every day, I have to intentionally maintain an awareness of my value.”
Dani Shapiro — Inheritance
Overview: Maybe I’ve watched too many episodes of Who Do You Think You Are? but I thought this might be a similar story of travelling far and wide connecting with distant family members to find your roots and understand yourself. But it wasn’t that. So I was disappointed. Most of the book felt like the story just wasn’t going anywhere.
Recommended for: Those interested in family dramas, geneology, etc.
Rating: ⭐⭐.5/5
Excerpt: “After listening to my entire story, he quietly said: “You can say, “This is impossible, terrible.’ Or you can say, ‘This is beautiful, wonderful.’ You can imagine that you’re in exile. Or you can imagine that you have more than one home.”
Dr Edith Eva Eger — The Choice
Overview: First, there may not be a heavier book than this one (mentally)(and I consume a lot of grief-related material). The incredible Dr. Edith Eva Eger is a living holocaust survivor who has dedicated her life to be a practising psychologist and thought leader focused on trauma and ptsd. This book intertwines her personal story of being a teenager in Auschwitz with her family, with stories of how she helped some of her patients, and her decades of working to resolve her own trauma. It was intense and beautiful.
Recommended for: Anyone interested in trauma, psychology, ptsd, grief, recovery.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐/5
Excerpt: “But over time I learned that I can choose how to respond to the past. I can be miserable, or I can be hopeful — I can be depressed, or I can be happy. We always have that choice, that opportunity for control. I’m here, this is now, I have learned to tell myself, over and over, until the panicky feeling begins to ease.”
Gabrielle Union — We’re Going to Need More Wine
Overview: The subtitle for this book is “stories that are funny, complicated, and true” but I must say, this book was not funny. And not in a bad way, Gabrielle just covers some very serious and traumatic stories and I think to say the book is funny takes away how important and deep it is. So if you want to read a raw, difficult memoir, read this. If you want to read a funny memoir, there are others.
Recommended for: Fans of hers, movie buffs in general, and also just women who have been through some tough things, I think/hope she makes you feel seen.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐/5
Excerpt: “Do you know why no one asks men how they balance it all? It’s because there is no expectation of that. Bringing home money is enough. We don’t expect you to be anything more than a provider, men. But a working woman? Not only do you have to bring home the bacon and fry it up, you gotta be a size double-zero, too. You’ve got to volunteer at the school, you’ve got to be a sex kitten, a great friend, a community activist. There are all these expectations that we put on women that we don’t put on men.”
Nina Riggs — The Bright Hour
Overview: Why would I, a woman who lost her mother from breast cancer, read this story of a mother dying from breast cancer? I don’t know, it’s hard to explain, but for those of us who have unfortunately lost someone to cancer — I personally don’t mind re-living it by reading stories of others because it reminds me of an important time in my — and my mothers — lives. No matter how hard it was. And cancer is such a common experience, sometimes reading about it makes it less scary (though be careful, sometimes it makes it more scary).
Recommended for: (honestly I don’t know many people who are okay reading about people dying from cancer because it hits too close to home for so many of us so I’d be hesitant to recommend this to anyone).
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐.5/5
Excerpt: “I am reminded of an image…that living with a terminal disease is like walking on a tightrope over an insanely scary abyss. But that living without disease is also like walking on a tightrope over an insanely scary abyss, only with some fog or cloud cover obscuring the depths a bit more — sometimes the wind blowing it off a little, sometimes a nice dense cover.”
Kamala Harris — The Truths We Hold
Overview: I am surprised to say I devoured this book in a few days. I’m not very very into politics (and I’m Canadian), but Kamala’s story of her journey into and climbing the ladder of US politics was really inspiring. She took on some incredible giants (like the big banks after the 2008 crash) despite people telling her not to, and having the odds against her. I know she’s got her critics, but this showed me the incredible impact she’s had on a lot of the biggest issues in US politics.
Recommended for: Americans, those who like politics, and other ambitious female leaders who want to make an impact.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐.5/5
Excerpt: “My daily challenge to myself is to be part of the solution, to be a joyful warrior in the battle to come. My challenge to you is to join that effort. To stand up for our ideals and our values. Let’s not throw up our hands when it’s time to roll up our sleeves. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not ever. Years from now, our children and our grandchildren will look up and lock eyes with us. They will ask us where we were when the stakes were so high. They will ask us what it was like. I don’t want us to just tell them how we felt. I want us to tell them what we did.”
Anna Weiner — Uncanny Valley
Overview: This memoir covers a few years of Anna working in the tech industry, first in NYC, then in San Francisco during the major Silicon Valley boom of social media networks. I thought I would enjoy this book, as I do work in tech, and I did like hearing the early days/truths about some of the biggest names in tech (though she’ll never name them which is funny, but you KNOW who they are) in their early years BUT unfortunately it just wasn’t that… deep. Anna goes back and fourth about how she feels about the industry and being a woman and being in customer facing roles but… never concludes how she feels, doesn’t really figure out what she wants to do in her life.
Recommended for: Tech industry folks.
Rating: ⭐⭐.5/5
Excerpt: “Being the only woman on a nontechnical team, providing customer support to software developers, was like immersion therapy for internalized misogyny. I liked men — I had a brother. I had a boyfriend. But men were everywhere: the customers, my teammates, my boss, his boss. I was always fixing things for them, tiptoeing around their vanities, cheering them up. Affirming, dodging, confiding, collaborating. Advocating for their career advancement; ordering them pizza. My job had placed me, a self-identified feminist, in a position of ceaseless, professionalized deference to the male ego.”
Roxane Gay — Bad Feminist
Overview: I love a short essay style book, so I’m reviewing this with that bias. Roxane Gay can go from funny and quirky to making important statements on women’s and racial issues in the same story with perfect natural flow. She covers topics from pop culture to competitive scrabble to exploring sexuality and her experience as the one of the only Black faculty member at a university. I always appreciate a writer who writes in a very human, conversational, accessible way, and that’s Roxane Gay. My only qualm/warning is it at times reminded me of university articles I read applying critical theory to pop culture — so social science and humanities students like me will either love it or hate it based on how you felt about those readings in uni.
Recommended for: Anyone who cares about feminism — whether you love the word or hate it.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐/5
Excerpt: “No matter what issues I have with feminism, I am a feminist. I cannot and will not deny the importance and absolute necessity of feminism. Like most people, I’m full of contradictions, but I also don’t want to be treated like shit for being a woman.”
