I spent quarantine reading 30 memoirs by women, here’s what I learned…
The Backstory
At the very start of quarantine in March 2020, my sister lent me Michelle Obama’s book. I read it and thought I should read more memoirs.
A couple months later, the Black Lives Matter movement was at it’s height, and I picked up a memoir by someone on my list for a long time, Maya Angelou, as a way to start to expose myself more to the Black experience. I loved her writing so much, that’s when I decided:
I want to read 30 memoirs by women, to inspire my upcoming 30s.
The Lessons
To start, my hope was to learn about and from diverse experiences from women of other cultures, other times in history, other career paths, and more… in part to help me plan and consider who I want to show up as, and what I want from my 30s. You see, in my 20s I was the ultimate goal setter. I had career, financial, hobby, and health goals every single year. As I got older, as I achieved those goals, they’re starting to become more unclear. Especially the big question — will I end up being a mother in my 30s, or a career woman, or both?
Lesson 1: We can’t find answers in books — or can we?
Let me disappoint you right off the start: I didn’t get an answer to my question above. I didn’t see my future self more clearly by considering the identities of other women. I did get inspired. I did figure out more clearly what I wanted from my career (mostly thanks to Elaine Welteroth). I did see examples of activism that are helping me formulate my own activism and advocacy (from multiple books before). And I got multiple reminders to own my truth, my self, who I am, and what I love. But no, I didn’t find out if I want to be a mom. But perhaps there’s a lesson there too, because of the 30 memoirs I read, none focused on motherhood. They mentioned it here and there, but these women’s identities weren’t consumed by motherhood. Maybe that’s what I needed to see.
Lesson 2: Everyone is the same.
I mean no, we’re not, diversity is incredibly important and brings about innovation, art, activism, and so much more. But what I’ve found through my life experiences and through these books is that the human experience is universal. Emotions are universal. Brains work so similarly that we can read about the most rich and famous people in the world and think hey I can relate to them?!. (Michelle Obama is incredibly smart but had imposter syndrome!). We can read about people who grew up in a different country decades before us and think, I understand how they felt.
Lesson 3: Did I get… smarter?
I feel smarter. That could be the COVID boredom making me watch new and different things (really into science docs now?), or a really engaging job I have now, or the world issues happening in the past year, or the memoirs but… I FEEL my brain working differently. It’s faster. And a lot more curious. I google everything and RESEARCH. Into how the brain works, the history of the Israel-Palestine conflict, into redlining in the USA… my google search history is now complex.
Lesson 4: Beware: The more you read the higher your standards (or just preferred style) of writing.
I like short chapters. I like conversational writing. I love short stories connecting to larger lessons. I like emotions and vulnerability. So if you see me give anything below a bad review and you loved it, I’m sorry, my tastes have gotten much more specific through this reading list.
Lesson 5: You might influence the people closest to you.
This was the biggest surprise and greatest joy of my challenge. Whether he admits it or not, I think my husband started reading after never being into reading for the 14 years I’ve known him. Truly my highlight of this summer are the warm nights we spent reading and drinking craft beer on our back deck until the sun set; the other day curled up in bed together reading on a rainy day. Sometimes he’d ask me to read to him. My happy place.
Which would I recommend? A quick overview:
*But if you want more, my in-depth reviews with excerpts are here (1–10), here (11–20), and here (21–30).
Memoirs I’d Recommend to Anyone (4–5 stars)
- Michelle Obama Becoming — especially if you like politics, obv.
- Maya Angelou I know why the caged bird sings + Gather Together in my Name — especially if you normally read fiction, she writes like fiction, like her poetry, beautifully.
- Glennon Doyle Untamed — I’m trying to find words to write her beyond “if you’re a woman” but really yes, it’s all about womanhood and girlhood.
- Shonda Rhimes The Year of Yes — especially if you’re a type A and/or anxious personality.
- Elaine Welteroth More than Enough — especially if you’re wanting a career change or plan.
- Rupi Kaur home body — if you like poetry and if you struggle with mental health.
- Dr Edith Eva Eger The Choice — TW: it’s very powerful but very hard to read RE: holocaust, trauma, grief.
- Tara Westover Educated —especially if you like fiction, because this is a well-written and hard-to-believe-it’s-real kind of memoir.
Recommend for specific people/tastes (3–4 stars)
- Nora McInerny It’s okay to laugh (crying is cool too) + No happy endings — I would almost recommend her books (and podcast) to anyone but that would ignore the fact that not everyone is like me. I like reading about hard shit and emotions and resilience. And that’s Nora McInerny.
- Jennifer Worth The Midwife — if you like health and history, this one reads like historical fiction on being a midwife in east London in the
- Susanna Kaysen Girl, Interrupted — for those with mental illness or an interest in psychology.
- Alicia Keys More Myself — for those interested in music and the industry, plus a little spirituality and motherhood and finding yourself.
- Christie Tate Group — for those with mental illness or an interest in psychology.
- Malala Yousafzai I am Malala — for those interested in politics and activism, girls education and international development.
- Gloria Steinhem My Life on the Road — not just for feminists, for people who like travel, like people, like stories about strangers.
- Megan Rapinoe One Life — for those who love sports + activism.
- Lindy West Shrill — for those who struggle with their bodies, confidence + a little feminism.
- Dolly Parton My Life and other Unfinished Business — honestly just for those who love Dolly, love country music, love Nashville, etc.
- Jenny Lawson Let’s Pretend This Never Happened — for those who suffer from mental illness + appreciate laughing about it.
- Kamala Harris The Truths We Hold — for those interested in politics.
- Roxane Gay Bad Feminist — for feminism, yes, but also general culture, pop culture, dating, sex, academia, and race.
I don’t recommend (3 or less stars)
- Ann Patchett This is the Story of a Happy Marriage — I dunno she’s a famous essay writer but I just don’t like her style of writing and the title is misleading it’s barely about marriage.
- Dani Shapiro Inheritance — I went in assuming a “search for my father” story would be more interesting.
- Nina Riggs The Bright Hour — I liked it but it’s about her dying of breast cancer so I know most people won’t want to read about that.
- Anna Weiner Uncanny Valley — a niche book for people who work in tech or are interested in it.
- Sue Monk Kidd Travelling with Pomegranates — just a smidge too spiritual for me but if you like travel and mother/daughter relationships you’ll like it.
- Karen Kilgariff & Georgia Hardstaark Stay Sexy & Don’t Get Murdered — just too niche, only recco for people (like me) who love true crime and their podcast!
Same notes for the next three: I think my personal taste is some celebrity/actor books lack substance for me and I don’t care to read about behind-the-scenes of Hollywood. And for Gabrielle & Tiffany Haddish, you think you’re getting a funny book but those women have been through some sh*t so trigger warning.
- Gabrielle Union We’re going to need more Wine
- Tiffany Haddish The Last Black Unicorn
- Mindy Kaling Why Not Me?
I’m not done reading (ever), so stay tuned or subscribe to updates for more!